


So Close To Mine

by Anonymous



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22599412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Set during the events of the TNG episode "The First Duty", as well as before, Wesley remembers his relationship with Joshua Albert and some of their firsts together.
Relationships: Wesley Crusher/Joshua Albert
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8
Collections: Anonymous, Chocolate Box - Round 5





	So Close To Mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iwasanartist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwasanartist/gifts).



> A few lines from the song "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", written by Ewan McColl, are quoted.

/The first time ever I saw your face/

The first day I arrived at the academy, I knew I had big shoes to fill. From my dad, to Captain Picard and my mom – and not necessarily in that order, either – I was a Legacy with a capital L. Makes me wonder how others handled it back in the day, kids like Demora Sulu or Joanna McCoy. There’s transcripts and all that kind of thing, but it doesn’t tell you how it felt.

I know how I felt. Intimidated. Stared at. Whispered about. Even in class.

You were sitting next to me, and I turned away from yet another stare, only to see you.

You were smiling. You looked kind. Held out your hand. Said, “I’m Josh, who are you?” like you didn’t know damn well.

“I’m Wesley,” I replied, and you asked my last name. You didn’t know who I was. Not even when I told you. You didn’t listen to the gossip and you’d heard a little about me on the Enterprise, but were more interested in shuttles and flight than the iconic Enterprise. It was honestly refreshing to not feel like I had to live up to anything but your impressions of me.

/The first time ever I kissed your mouth/

You were such a good friend, someone I was getting to know. You’d told me early on that you liked guys, but I didn’t think twice about it, not until the night you kissed me.

“I had to do that, or wonder forever what it would’ve been like,” you said.

I admit I wasn’t experienced but there really only seemed to be one thing to do, and that was kiss you the second time.

We left it there, though your hand was resting on mine the rest of the night.

When you left, you asked me if it might happen again.

I said, “maybe,” but I didn’t kiss you again then, because I wasn’t sure and it felt like I’d be making a promise I didn’t know if I could keep.

I thought about it, and my only conclusion was, “why not?” which kind of said it all.

We did almost nothing but kiss the next time we were alone together, but I wanted to take it slow, and you understood.

/The first time ever I lay with you/

That doesn’t mean we stopped at kisses, of course. Taking it slow didn’t mean never going further.

The first night we spent together, that wonderful and amazing night I am never going to forget, you showed me things I never dreamed possible. 

We had so many amazing times, both alone together and with others, in class, with friends. We weren’t openly together – we were figuring out just what we were before going public with it.

If there was one thing I loved more than being with you, it was flying. I always had. I loved that we were in the squadron together. That we had such good friends in Nick and Jaxa. Everything we did and tried to do seemed to go so right.

Until it didn’t. Until I lost you.

/The first time ever I saw your face/

We never had the chance to decide to go public together, so I will never betray our secret. It will remain with us to my grave, Josh.

I’ll return that sweater you gave me that day I was a little cold to your father, if he will speak to me.

Then I’ll lock our memories up and remember you when I can. I’ll keep you alive that way.

I don’t know if I loved you – we didn’t have time to know that – but I know one thing, Josh.

I could have loved you, and I’m sorry I won’t ever know if it could have been.


End file.
